M – Develop Maturity

“Maturity is not measured by age. It’s an attitude built by experience.”

 

Opening Story:

A Brother Like That

A friend of mine named Paul received an automobile from his brother as a Christmas present. On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office, a young, roguish-looking kid was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it. “Is this your car, Mister?” the boy asked.

Paul nodded. “My brother gave it to me for Christmas.” The boy was astounded. “You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn’t cost you nothing? Boy, I wish…”

Paul knew what the boy was going to wish – for a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Paul all the way to his heels. “I wish that I could be a brother like that.”

Paul looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively he responded, “Would you like to go for a ride in my new car?”

“Oh yes, I’d love that!”

After a short ride, the boy turned with his eyes aglow and said, “Mister, would you mind driving in front of my house?”

Paul smiled a little. Again, he thought he knew what the lad wanted…to show his neighbors that he was riding in a big, new automobile. But he was wrong again. “Will you stop at those two steps?” the boy asked.

The boy ran up the steps. In a little while, Paul heard him coming back, but moving quite slowly. The lad was carrying his younger, handicapped brother. The boy sat his brother down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up again him and pointed to the car.

“There she is, buddy, just like I told you! His brother gave it to him for Christmas and it didn’t cost him a cent. And someday I’m gonna give you one just like it…then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Christmas windows that I’ve been trying to tell you about.”

Paul got out of the car and lifted the younger child to the front seat. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside the small child and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride.

Society has historically placed limits on behaviors based on chronological age (such as voting and driving restrictions) because age is typically a measure of maturity. However, age and maturity are not necessarily synonymous, especially when it comes to relationships. Maturity plays a major role in the success or demise of relationships. Therefore, it is essential for relationship practitioners to understand how maturity affects a person’s ability to understand the concepts and implement the skills needed to form and maintain healthy relationships.

 

Certain life experiences are foundational to the maturation process. However, maturity in relationships can also be learned. If people are equipped with the necessary knowledge and skills, they can develop a mature perspective about relationships.

 

Maturity and Trust

Maturity influences a person’s ability to truly commit to a relationship for life and understand that commitment implies giving up all other partner choices. This, in turn, determines the level of trust and dependability present in a relationship. Maturity allows partners to be supported in exploring individual interests so their own uniqueness can be honored. It also maintains the integrity of the commitment and restores trust when it has been violated.

I define emotional maturity as the ability to make good, positive, healthy choices during the challenges of life. The following chart illustrates some of the differences in the mindset of someone who is acting emotionally immature vs. mature.

Emotional Immaturity	Emotional Maturity
Reactive (Life happens to me) Act out emotions Governed by habit Come from fear/scarcity “Have to” motivation Getting (self-centered) Seek security and self-protection Avoid failure, rejection, discomfort Separation/alienation from others Live in the past/future	Proactive (I make choices) Act on emotions Governed by vision/purpose Come from love/abundance “Choose to” motivation Giving (other-centered) Step outside comfort zone Seek growth Unity/goodwill with others Live in the present

 

How to Become Emotionally Mature

So, the question is, how do we develop emotional maturity? Here are five Practices for Achieving Emotional Maturity

1. Seekers of self-mastery.

Mature people are passionate about self-development, psychology and understanding the inner workings of themselves and the workings of the world. They are open to learn and apply the principles they gain from their explorations in personal development to all areas of their life. This type of growth-mindset keeps mature people living more conscious and aware lives because they are able to live according to the life principles and wisdom gained both trough their own and the experiences of others.

Because they are supported, guided and in the action of practicing the right attitudes and life principles, mature people more easily overcome the challenges that life inevitably brings them. Through self-mastery mature people learn the art of turning life’s lemons into lemonade.

2. Truthful.

Mature people live with high integrity. They are committed to knowing, hearing and working within the truth no matter how hurtful or stressful that truth may be. Mature people are also willing and committed to telling the truth even when it is humiliating and difficult for oneself or another. They have an open mind to hear counsel and to respond to reproof.

3. Responsible.

Those with maturity live successful lives because they spend zero time blaming others for their problems. They take accountability for their actions as a way to further learn and grow. Life and life’s circumstances, at the end of the day, have to be dealt with from our own will and volition, and admitting wrong is woven deeply into the fabric of mature people because they view humility and admitting wrong as steps up the mountain, not steps going backward. The mature person is able to understand that life is what they make it. That every person’s destiny is within their choice. Those with maturity live life making conscious decisions knowing that whatever the result is, they are the one’s responsible.

4. Accessible.

The emotionally mature understand the most important thing they can give relationships, projects, goals or business is their time. When a person with maturity loves something and it is of value to them, they spend time with it, working on it, taking care of it and enjoying it. They value themselves and therefore see their time as valuable and they have the deep desire to use their time well. For this reason, they are open to interruption and will make themselves accessible whenever it is important. Because they value themselves and their own time they also value the time they give and spend with others, and make those commitments a priority in their lives.

 

5. Gracious.

Mature people live with a natural feeling of thankfulness and appreciation for the expansive range of people, events and circumstances in their lives. Because maturity is based in responsibility, mature people live with higher levels of happiness and lower levels of depression and stress. The emotionally mature turn their happiness into sharing and generosity. They offer helpful services to others as a way to spread their own wealth and joy in ways that circle back. When their giving circles back, the emotionally mature experience even deeper levels of pleasure, personal satisfaction and gratitude for what they have been given in life to now gift back.

In short, maturity is a choice for everyone. The more you value who you are and what you have to offer, the more responsible you will be in taking care of yourself, your finances, your time, and your personal life. You can choose to live as a mature person. You can choose to live consciously with established principles and attitudes, or you can choose to live continuously beaten up and defeated by the struggles and miseries of life.