Q – Believe in Quality
“Strive for quality rather than quantity in Relationship.”
Opening Story:
The Quality of Life
The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “only a little while.”
The American then asked “why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?”
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life.”
The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”
“But what then?”
The American laughed and said that’s the best part. “When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”
“Millions.. Then what?”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
We all have relationships. We have acquaintances, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and friends. However, for a large percentage of us, many of these relationships are not fulfilling.
They are unfulfilling because they lack real strength; and they lack real strength because they lack real depth.
Unfortunately, in today’s society, we tend to have shallow, superficial relationships with others, and it’s extremely hard for this kind of relationships to provide anything more than faint satisfaction.
Every relationship is only as good as the people within it. Relationships between people are the main determining factor in the overall quality of their commonly shared reality.
The importance of quality relationships cuts across all barriers, real or perceived. In fact, the better the quality of the relationship, the fewer barriers there are with which to contend. Quality relationships are based upon seven principles.
I accept people for who they are, including myself. I consider all people to be unique and accept that as a positive, rather than a source of frustration.
I treat all people, including myself, with respect on an adult level. I do not resort to childish or emotional games. I do not manipulate myself or others. I respect others’ right to be who and what they are and do not try to change them.
I have a clear understanding of myself and others. I make every attempt to appreciate and understand the differences that go into making each individual unique and special.
I am open and honest. I feel free enough to speak and act in a manner that is consistent with what I feel and believe. I do not put on airs or try to be anything other than the best “me” I can be. I allow and encourage others to be themselves and promote a feeling of openness in all my dealings with them. I do not permit my predisposition, prejudgment or prejudices to stand in the way of open and harmonious relationships.
I do not judge myself or others. I accept and practice the belief that we are all different and unique. I approach others with the attitude that there are more dimensions to a given situation than simply “right” or “wrong.” I expect and embrace these differences of perception as opportunities to learn.
I am self-empowered. I have the conviction of my beliefs. I do not need or seek external strokes to determine my feelings or attitude. I also empower all those with whom I come into contact, respecting their individuality and encouraging their input. I am willing to admit I do not have all the answers.
I operate from a fundamental basis of honesty. This value permeates everything I do or say. I am honest with others and expect others to be honest with me. I proactively promote an environment which invites open discussion, differing points of view, and have faith in the abilities and judgment of others, even when I sometimes do not agree. I maintain confidentiality when others confide in me.
Developing effective relationships is the key to personal and organizational success. There is a lot of truth in the old adage “it not what you know but who you know.” The seven principles mentioned above will facilitate the process of developing quality relationships.
Here’re 5 simple yet powerful ways for meaningful relationships building:
This is an apparent paradox, but the quality of the people you meet has considerably to do with the quantity of people you meet. If you don’t know a lot of people and you barely meet one or two new people every season of the year, considering the variety of individuals out there, you won’t meet very often people who are a good match with you in terms of personality, interests and values. And since this natural match plays a huge part in building strong relationships, you’ll just as seldom have the opportunity to develop strong relationships.
Conversely, if you go out a lot, you meet a lot of new people and you constantly expand your social circle, you’re much more likely to meet people you match up well with, and these people have a tremendous potential to become good friends, reliable partners, etc.
This is why it’s important to meet more people.
A relationship becomes the strongest when two people discover they believe in the same things and have similar interests. It’s these commonalities regarding values and interests that create the strongest emotional connection.
I’ve noticed that many people keep conversations shallow. They talk about trivial stuff such as the weather, what’s on TV, the lives of various movie stars, but they rarely talk about what really matters to them in life. This is a mistake from my perspective, because it’s the perfect method for a relationship to not develop.
Talk about the things that truly matter to you and give others a chance to know what you care about and what you believe in. If they believe in the same things and they care about the same things, they’ll eagerly let you know. Thus you’ll find meaningful common ground and you’ll feel more connected.
Many people try to come off as perfect. They don’t talk about their failures, they hide their shortcomings
and they never say anything that could embarrass them.
This is all just a facade though. You may appear perfect to some, but you know you’re not perfect and they know that too. You’re only human and humans have flaws.
However, by hiding your flaws, what you do succeed in is appearing cold and impersonal. You seem like a marble statue rather than a real person. And this makes it very hard for anyone to connect with you emotionally.
Humans connect with other humans, not with ideals. Keep this in mind and don’t be afraid to let your vulnerability and your humanity show. This is what takes a relationship to the next level.
Integrity, as I see it, is the alignment between your thoughts, your words and your actions. When you say what you think and you do what you said you’ll do, you have integrity.
This is a crucial trait because if you have integrity, people can trust you. They can trust you to give them an honest feedback, even when it’s hard to shallow, and they can trust you to keep your promises.
This trust is one of the central pillars of a strong relationship, both in your personal and your professional life. So, as challenging as it can be sometimes, always try to have integrity.
Be honest with the people around you, even when this will initially hurt them. It’s more important for them to trust you than to not feel hurt. And always do what you promised. Even better, think twice before you promise anything, and only promise what you really can and you are willing to do.
Another central pillar of strong relationships is support. Connections between people grow sturdy if they can rely on each other for support when it’s needed, whether that support means a few kind words or several massive actions.
Of course, you can’t be there for everybody, all the time. Your time, energy and other resources are limited. But what you can do is identify the genuinely important people in your life and then seek to be there as much as possible, at least for them.
Your support will help them practically, and it will comfort them emotionally; which makes great amount of difference in a relationship.
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