T – Create Trust

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.”

Opening Story:

A Farmer & Baker

 

Once upon a time, there lived a farmer and a baker who did business with each other for many years. They lived in separate small towns, but they and the people from both towns lived like they were all from a single tight-knit community. There was a strong bond and sense of trust between the townspeople, and when a person from one town needed help everyone came to help, even if they were from the neighboring town. Everything was perfect until one day the baker accused the farmer of swindling him. The baker was so angry that he made a big show out of this in front of everyone and made a public announcement to the farmer, “We used to trust each other. But now I see that we can’t. And who is to be blamed? It is you the farmer, who has planted the seeds of dishonesty in our two communities. How many, besides me have you cheated?” From that day on people started to look at each other with suspicion even though they didn’t know how the farmer swindled the baker.

After a couple of days, the time finally came when the baker got his spotlight in the court. The judge asked the baker to tell what happened between him and the farmer. The baker started, “Like every day before for years I have brought a pound of bread to the farmer and in return, I was supposed to get a pound of butter. But I for some time now was skeptical if it really was a pound. So I decided to weight the butter and your honor, it saddens me to say that the butter was no were close to a pound. Your honor, I believe that we cannot let this kind of behavior go unpunished. We don’t know for how long this has been going on and how many of us has the farmer swindled like this. I demand justice not just for me but for us all!”

The judge was visibly touched by the harsh speech of the farmer and confirmed that behavior like this will not be tolerated. The judge confronted the baker who replied, “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. So if you are looking who is to be blamed about the weight, it is the baker, your honor. I have always honored the deal we had, a pound for a pound. If he gave me less I gave him the same.” After that, the judge and everyone knew who is to be blamed, who is to be trusted and who not.

you ever get a feeling that something isn’t right in your relationship? You may not know why, but more than likely, it’s because you are lacking trust in your relationship.

Signs That You Lack Trust In A Relationship

You may not have trust in a relationship if…

• You feel like you can’t let your guard down.
• You feel like it’s best to take control and do everything yourself.
• Or you struggle to ask for what you want.

Can a relationship work without trust? Without trust, it’s difficult for your relationship to grow. Worse still, your relationship may feel chaotic, unpredictable and full of drama

What Is Trust?

The relationship between trust and love is a close one. Trust means trusting yourself, your own judgments and trusting others. Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Without it, the relationship will be shaky and will eventually fail. Lack of trust is the main reason relationships fall apart.

Why?

Because, if you don’t have trust it means you won’t feel secure that the other person will love you and be loyal to you. After all, trust means you can rely & can confide in them and feel safe with them.

What Does Trust Look Like In A Relationship?

Here’s are some signs that you have trust in your relationship:

• Open conversations: You are both willing to let your guard down and share your secrets and fears.
• You are each other’s priority: You both put each other’s needs and interests first. You both show care and consideration with each other.
• Maintain eye contact: If you can look into each other’s eyes while talking, it shows you both have nothing to hide.
• Listen actively: If you both listen intently, then it shows love, care, and respect.
• Admitting mistakes: You are both honest about mistakes and don’t cover them up with excuses or explanations.
• Comfortable and confident: If you are both your authentic selves around each other, then it shows you trust each other.
• Efficiently resolve conflicts: If you can both work through disagreements in healthy ways, then it shows your relationship is solid.

 

How to Build Trust

1. 
   Do what you say.One of the most important steps in building a foundation of trust is to do what you say you will do.  Even if it is a small thing, canceling or failing to follow through will create hairline fractures in your trustworthiness.

• Although the occasional failure to follow through may not seem like a big deal; repeated failures can add up. Over time, people in your life may come to see you as less trustworthy.

 

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2. Speak from the heart.When you feel like lying to someone, either to spare their feelings or to spare yourself from their unfavorable response, find an anchor point to focus on. Choose something good about that person and emphasize this in your communication.

• Speak to that anchor of goodness, rather than overplaying the bad news you need to convey.
• Be sure to offer your willingness to listen. It can be helpful to offer phrases like “It seems to me,” or “I believe that,” emphasizing that this is your perception of the truth.This shows you’re open to other points of view, and can help preserve trusting relationships.

 

3. 
   Keep secrets told to you.Never tell someone’s story if that person would not want it told. This is a betrayal of trust. The tendency is to let things slip when you are under pressure, tired, or not thinking clearly. If this happens, own up to it quickly, and apologize. This way, the person won’t find out from someone else that you have shared their private information. It also gives you a chance to help minimize any damage you may have caused.

• The tendency is to let things slip when you are under pressure, tired, or not thinking clearly. If this happens, own up to it quickly, and apologize. This way, the person won’t find out from someone else that you have shared their private information. It also gives you a chance to help minimize any damage you may have caused.

 

4. Display loyalty.Loyalty refers to your willingness to protect others and be on their side. This applies both in their presence and, most importantly, in their absence.

• Trust becomes solid when a person knows he or she has your loyalty. You can also build trust by putting the interest of another person or your relationship with that person ahead of your own.
• For example, you can build trust with your co-worker by staying after work to help with a project, even if you will not get credit for the work.

 

5. Use assertive communication.Instead of engaging in abusive or aggressive behavior, try to adopt an assertive communication style. This means directly and respectfully expressing your needs while also addressing the needs and opinions of others.

• Assertive communication involves saying “no” when you don’t want to do something, and also involves managing your emotions.
• It means sharing your feelings and opinions openly and in a way that does not belittle or bully.
• For example, imagine your neighbor is playing music too loudly. An aggressive approach would be to go over to his house and yell: “Turn that racket down or I’m calling the cops, jerk!” An assertive approach would be to knock on his door and calmly say: “Hey, it’s getting late, and I need to go to bed soon. Would you please turn your music down a bit?” This lets your neighbor know he’s causing a problem without being insulting or threatening.