H – Foster Happiness

““There is no happiness like that of being loved by your fellow creatures, and feeling that your presence is an addition to their comfort.”

Opening Story:

The Secret of Happiness

Once a young man wanted to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man on the earth. The lad wandered through the desert, mountains, and plains to find the wisest man in the land. He finally reached to a beautiful castle in the high atop of a mountain where a very wise man was said to reside.

The young man had imagined the wise man to live like a sage with modest and quiet lifestyle. But to his surprise, he was not at all like a sage. He saw lots of activities happening in the castle. Tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and finally he saw a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in the part of the world.

The wise man conversed with everyone, and the young man had to wait for several hours to meet the wise man. The wise man listened attentively to the young man’s curiosity to know about the secret of happiness. The wise man replied that he didn’t have time to explain the secret of happiness at that moment. But, he suggested the young man to have look around his castle and its beauty and uniqueness and return in two hours. He also assigned a task to the man. He handed over a teaspoon to the man which had two drops of oil. The wise man said to the young lad ” As you wander around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill.”

The Young man began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.”Well,” asked the wise man, “Did you see the Persian embroideries that are hanging in my dining hall?

Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in the library?”

The boy was embarrassed and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man entrusted to him

“Then go back and observe the marvels of my world, “said the wise man.” You cannot trust a man if you know nothing about that man and his surroundings.” Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time more conscious about the surroundings and observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he explained in detail everything he had seen.” But, where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?” asked the wise man.

“The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.”

What is the message here? You have all right to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of the world, but you have to fulfill your duty as well. A Balance needs to be created between everything. You need to take care of your job, family and then society. Many people forget to enjoy the beauty of life and get lost in the rat race of the world. While some lose the sense of responsibility and waste their life without fulfilling their duties.  Balance is very important in life. Work, family, health, and enjoyment are equally important. Whatever you are doing, creating the balance in life is very important.

Happiness within a relationship is hard to define. Not only is each relationship different, but within each relationship, each person defines happiness in an individual way. Some people view happiness as a peaceful conflict-free life. For some, happiness involves a tremendous amount of fun, great intimacy or lots of laughter. Whatever your definition, it directly correlates to your expectations, desires, wants and needs—and those things can change over time.

When our relationships are going well, they’re a source of unequalled joy but when they’re not, they inevitably cause us worry and hurt.

In an ideal world, we would always listen and communicate from the best part of ourselves and we’d monitor our behavior when we’re tired and grumpy. We’d bite our tongues before making a snappy comment and we’d recognize and change controlling or judgmental tendencies.

Despite the best of intentions, we’re human and we all have bad days so it’s inevitable that there’ll be times when we say and do things that are damaging to our relationships.

Keep your relationships happy and harmonious by taking the time to step back and reflect on the small changes you can make to rebuild a sense of trust and goodwill.

1. Communicate openly

People are sometimes afraid of open, clean communication because they fear offending, but in truth, a passive or manipulative comment or look does significantly more harm than a direct, but thoughtfully phrased, communication.

If you’re experiencing frustration (within yourself or with someone else) think about how you can express your feelings and needs in a way that isn’t attacking or blaming but rather, honest and non-judging.

If there’s a genuine issue, prepare the other person for a conversation by asking if now is a good time to talk and if not, ask when you can catch up in the next 24 hours (it’s best not to leave it too long so you don’t lose your nerve).

Let them know that the relationship matters, but you have a concern. Explain how you are experiencing the issue (e.g I feel hurt when you speak to me with a frustrated tone) and keep your own tone measured and calm. Make a request for how you’d like things to be different (e.g If you’re feeling irritated with me or you want some peace and quiet, I’m ok for you to let me know that so you can have some space and we can talk later).

2. Apologize early

If you’ve been snappy or said something hurtful, don’t leave it too long to say sorry. Make sure your apology is sincere and avoid adding ‘but’ at the end of it. It’s tempting to apportion some blame to the other person but a genuine apology is simply about owning up to the part you played without expecting anything in return.

3. Accept and make room for your differences

Sometimes we’re attracted to people who are different to us – and then we spend our time trying to convert them to our way of thinking.

Instead of trying to change a partner or friend, find out why they have a different opinion. Ask open questions (e.g Can you tell me why you think that way?) and do your best to understand and accept another perspective.

If you find you genuinely differ and the topic isn’t critical to the wellbeing of your relationship, remind yourself that it’s ok to respectfully agree to disagree.

4. Give of yourself

When a good relationship has been tricky for a while and you find your needs are no longer being met, try shifting the emphasis away from yourself. Remind yourself of the things you love about the other person, consider the ways you can be supportive and give of yourself without any expectation of receiving anything in return.

It won’t happen overnight but the energy of a relationship can improve when one person behaves differently and it becomes possible to renew your sense of connection.

5. Know when to let go

Not all relationships are destined to last a lifetime. A good way to determine if a relationship has run its course is to weigh up how you feel after an interaction. Are you energised or depleted? Inspired or drained? Do you feel accepted or misunderstood?

Give yourself permission to move on if a friendship or a partner relationship has run its course. Don’t feel the need to make the other person wrong – move on, and in your heart, wish them well.